People are always surprised to find out that I abhor Barack Obama. I think it's my skin color. They assume that all of us brown people stick together. Or maybe the fact that I'm from Hawaii. Since all of the Hawaiians stick together too, bunch of savages, with their tribe mindset. The only logical answer to this conundrum is that I must be a Republican. They make the accusation, as if I came in riding a white horse, wearing a robe, and carrying Anne Coulter's How to Talk to a Liberal (if you must). I respond to them politely lips closed, "I am not a republican." This scandalizes them, as if by not being a Republican I am suddenly obligated to vote for Obama or the progressive police will come over and revoke my open mindedness card.
I have nothing against Obama the human. He seems like a chill dude. I think that if we had a beer together it would be fun. I imagine us talking about hip-hop and literature. Flitting back and forth between subjects, like a pair of butterflies. Then we'd hug and tell each other how much we valued each other as human beings. We might even cry a little, as progressives are wont to do, with our secret desire to promote the gay agenda. That being said, I really hate the guy as a politician.
There seems to be this weird double reality between what Obama says and what Obama does. For instance, I've always thought that the Nobel Peace Prize had something to do with peace. So I guess, that drone striking the shit out of innocent people is somehow peaceful. We call the missiles used by drones Hellfire missiles, but I always thought the whole peace and Hellfire mercy mine God and sinner reconciled, was a christmas carol/Christian thing and from what I've heard Obama used to be a pot smoking hippy. I don't think he was very good at that though.
Just imagine, the current president sitting in a circle with other flower children talking about peace. The talking stick comes to Barack and he says, "gee guys you know what I think is peaceful? Killing terrorizers." The horrified circle of hippys drop the bong and it shatters on the floor. Moonbeam cries a tear, as she realizes that there is no hope in the world. They put on suits and go to law school.
And I think that Barack (can I call you that bro?) is a testament to the benefits of law school. In 2010, America had a landmark year of finally exceeding human rights requirements under international law, or, basically, not being really shitty to people that aren't white and live somewhere far away. The reason? Our ground troops had implemented standards for monitoring each other and ensuring compliance. Rather than continue this Barack O. B. decided to start drone striking the people.
The international community was horrified. They thought that turning murder into a video game was awful. The Obama administration assured them that they mos defs weren't killing any innocent civilians. And after a few months of data, everyone shrugged their shoulders and assumed that he was obviously right. What really happened, was the Obama administration decided to re-define "enemy combatant" as any person of combat age within a strike zone. Or as I like to say everyone in the Middle East.
Yet, nobody has talked about this. Nor the fact that while Obama has called for transparency, he has enforced the Espionage Act more than any other president, which is framed in a way to punish whistleblowers. As a nation, we still love Obama and praise him for his progressive politics and forward thinking vision. We ignore the drone strikes and the political opportunism and the exploitation of the Gay community. We ignore the fact that yuppy white guilt is probably clouding our collective vision. We don't want to be the one to say, "holy motherfucker this dude is really not doing what he's saying."
At the same time, republican shaming is such a big deal amongst the youth. It is associated with bigotry, stupidity, and being uneducated. We talk so much about republican rage, but what about liberals? The recent racially based attacks on Mitch McConnel's wife led by liberal commentators reeks of the exact thing they are supposedly rallying against. We cannot critique ourselves to the point where we truly understand our own bias and as a result we prop up Obama and celebrate him violence, war crimes, and all.
The Obama love will end when America finally asks itself: what do we stand for? What did we vote for? Why don't the two mesh? And maybe, just maybe, we'll start asking the hard questions like how big is his penis.
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